One Idea and Four Questions
The backbone of Getting Selfish, which is my creative labor of love.
Hello from the Glendale branch of the Indianapolis Public Library! A beautiful little dusting of storms just passed over, and I loved every thwock of fat rain against the roof and every friendly rumble of thunder, which reminded me of the sound of our neighbors’ garbage can being rolled to the end of their driveway faithfully every Thursday morning at 5am.
Here are some updates!
Register for Getting Selfish: Building a Healthy Self-Advocacy Practice! The online experience is designed for you to make it your own, with two options of times and lots of ways to customize your experience. It’s built around one idea and four questions, which I’ll share below…and though I’ll be your host and guide, I’ll be learning right alongside you!
“Matters of great concern should be treated lightly. Matters of small concern should be treated seriously.” Come explore this quote from Hagakure: The Book of the Samurai and more inspiring nuggets with me at Orangily next Thursday at 8am! You can RSVP for my free 20-minute talk on creativity here:
DIY Masterclasses are here! Last Wednesday’s was all about boundaries and how to set and honor them well. This next one, out on August 20th, is called “Putting Yourself Out There” and will cover expressing your wants and needs, finding and opening doors, and taking your rightful place at the table. Mark your calendars and make sure you’re subscribed!
Now, let’s get into it.
Getting Selfish: One Idea, Four Questions
This workshop is a lot of things to me, but first and foremost, it’s a creative endeavor…and in a nod to Elizabeth Gilbert’s powerful creatives’ manifesto Big Magic, I created something I needed with the hope and belief that it would resonate with others on their own journey home to themselves.
The Idea
If you’ve read this Substack or talked to me at all the last nine months, you’re familiar with the ChatGPT query that started it all: “what’s the etymological definition of ‘selfish’?”
Though my opinion of and relationship with ChatGPT has evolved as I’ve learned more about abuses of AI* and the very real and very scary ecological impact of its use, I’ve stayed staunch in what I learned that day: that though “selfish” has taken on a negative, self-serving connotation (and “selfless” has taken on a benevolent, shiny one), at its most literal it means:
Self: one’s own person
-ish: containing the qualities of; belonging to
Selfish: containing the qualities of one’s own person; belonging to oneself.
It is the bolded words that generated the idea behind this workshop: that it’s good to be selfish, and that people (including me) need help reclaiming it.**
The Questions
In the workshop, our individual reflection and group discussion will revolve around four main questions, the answers to which will inform how you’ll apply the skills you’ll learn:
How do I want to feel? This is our version of goalsetting. Instead of focusing on what we want to do (just yet, anyway), we’re focusing on how we want to feel. In other words, we’re going to start by defining our own unique joy.
How do I feel that way? This is about what matters most to you: your values. They’re a map to your joy, and they’re also a guidebook for how you want your own resources to be used (and not used).
What don’t I want? From this clarity, you’ll identify the things you need less (or none) of, which will clear some space in your head, heart and life for things that feel more aligned to you. We’ll build skill around boundaries and saying “no” with clarity and kindness, to help you clear that space.
What do I want? After clearing space, you’ll see more vividly the things that do feel aligned to you. We’ll build skill around saying what you want and need, and creating the conditions for those things to thrive in your life.
Sound simple? It is, in a way. Sound easy? It shouldn’t. This work is hard, and it is good, and it is also just the beginning. I would not claim that participating in this workshop is going to change your life. I would claim, though, with every grain of my own experience, that you’ll leave with a mindset, a set of tools, and a set of skills for you to change your own life.
* I just got an email alert from Upwork for a contract gig to HUMANIZE A 40,000-WORD AI-GENERATED SELF-HELP MANUSCRIPT. We’ve officially entered an era where computers are telling humans how to human.
** Though the time for “Pay What You Can” has passed, please know that if money is the only barrier for you, I’d rather have you there than not there. Reach out…it’s an act of self-advocacy I’ll recognize, applaud, and reward.